The Work of Byron Katie – Alentejo Practice Group with Maya Benharroch

Life, many people say, has become that much tenser in recent months, perhaps due to the unusual pandemic situation, or perhaps it was always going to be this way. And it appears to be more and more important to find and keep our balance in the face of some global “crazy”.
The work of Byron Katie can help us a lot to stay sane, fair, and loving in our lives and relationships.

– by Maya Benharroch, Personal Life Coach

For information on the Weekly Practice Group with Maya see below the article.

In an instant, I was fuming because my partner failed to include me in the sentence

“I will have to consider all the details before I ask for a reduction in the price”. We were looking at a lovely property with a view to purchasing it jointly (albeit with my share of the costs being considerably smaller than his) and I couldn’t accept that he spoke in “I” instead of “we”. 

I thought: ‘What a chauvinistic …! He is stuck in the patriarchal dark ages despite all my efforts to educate him!’ It didn’t help that he apologized immediately, I still had more to say about it. 

Does it ever happen to you, when your friend, partner, or child just won’t behave as they should? 

Do you ever feel frustrated with your neighbors or your kids’ teacher, or the line at the Mini Mercado? 

Life, many people say, has become that much tenser in recent months, perhaps due to the unusual pandemic situation, or perhaps it was always going to be this way. And it appears to be more and more important to find and keep our balance in the face of some global “crazy”. 

My “crazy” moments are greatly helped by a little inner reflection tool called “The Work of Byron Katie”: I take some time by myself and write down the thought(s) I had while I was getting upset. For example: “This shows how little he values my contribution”, or “He is not including me enough in the decision-making process”, or “He is taking me for granted”, and so on. Then I check each of these painful thoughts at a time, against Byron Katie’s 4 questions (free on her website “thework.com“). I sit with them in stillness like in meditation and listen for my most authentic answers.

Experiencing a much kinder reality, more loving relationships and the end of suffering

Using the work of Byron Katie in my life, I invariably discover a much kinder reality (and a much more loving partner) each time I do it.

I really do believe that I wouldn’t still be in my beautiful 12-year relationship with this gorgeous man if it weren’t for this inquiry tool. I would be lost in the stories that my innocent mind makes up based on the fears I learned to have. 

Sounds somewhat familiar? 

Byron Katie herself tells of more than a decade of the steadily worsening debilitating depression, paranoia, and self-loathing she endured before she woke up one morning when a cockroach walked on her foot.

At that moment, for some unknown reason, she woke up into a world without definitions, thoughts, or beliefs. And in that state, she felt a joy that to this day, she still cannot accurately describe. Next, all her old thoughts came avalanching back into her mind. And then she realized that:

When she believed her thoughts, she suffered, but when she didn’t believe, she didn’t suffer. 

This is when the 4 questions and the “turnarounds” were born. 

Katie spent the next year questioning every thought that showed up. People started to come to her to seek advice. She began to teach “the work” wherever she was invited: living rooms, schools, prisons and eventually internationally. She wrote a few books that became bestsellers. Thousands upon thousands of people have since come to know of “the work”, as she calls it. Many credit her method as the tool that sets them free and makes their lives easier, lighter and more fulfilling. 

Eckart Tolle said that his “Power of Now” is the what, while “The Work” is the how. Byron Katie often says: “I don’t let go of concepts—I question them. Then they let go of me.”

I found the same in my experience. We all know it is better for us to be more relaxed, and to be kind, clear, and loving. We should take things in our stride and live our lives brightly. I find that – no matter how much I tell myself I should be all of that – I either am or am not depending on the thoughts I believe in at the moment. 

How to do “The Work of Byron Katie”

So, in case you are dying to know what these powerful, magical questions – I will simply put them here.

The Thought

You might want to think of one of your favorite painful thoughts and write it down. Maybe it is: “There’s never enough time for what I want”, or “My mother should be more supportive of me”, or maybe “They shouldn’t believe this propaganda”. 

The 4 Questions

Ask yourself the following 4 questions about this thought:

  • Is it true? 
  • Can you absolutely know that it’s true? 
  • How do you react, what happens, when you believe this thought? 
  • Who or what would you be without this thought? 

The Turnaround

Turn that thought around in as many ways as you can find. For example: “my mother should be more supportive of me” turns into:

  • “I should be more supportive of myself” 
  • “I should be more supportive of my mother” 
  • Or even “my mother shouldn’t be more supportive of me” 

For each turnaround, find 2 or 3 real-life examples of how this could also be true, if not “truer”. 

This is such a simple process. The only thing required is an open mind and a love of truth.

Not the assumed truth told to us by our unquestioned mind, that jumps in with an explanation to life’s mysteries, often based on what we’re afraid might be the truth. Not that truth, but the truth we discover when we listen deeply and sit with each question open and curious. 

So, is my partner really taking me for granted? Is he really de-valuing my contribution? Or is he just looking at our joint project with the eyes of someone who wants to choose his steps carefully, without personal reference to me being this or that?

And what part of me is so insecure that I need him to reassure me with every sentence he speaks, that I’m wanted and included in the picture? Does he not ask me often to brainstorm together? Does he not show me with his smile or his hard work to create our beautiful home, just how important I am to him? Does he not include me in this very moment in this property viewing? But, for whatever reason, my mind chose to overlook all this data that shows care and inclusion, and instead, focusses on a word: “I”.
Interesting…! Phew!
Good to realize this and to come back to reality. It feels much better!


Maya Benharroch is a Personal Life Coach with a metaphysical/spiritual twist. She is based in the Alentejo, Portugal, and has trained in Life-Coaching, Yoga and Meditation, Theta Healing, Rebirthing, NLP, Group Work Facilitation, Family Constellations, and Quantum Healing.

She has over 12 years of experience on how to transform negative experiences and has offered many workshops and individual sessions coaching people on Anger Releasing, Relationships, and Living Your Joy. She is currently working with groups and individuals in person or online to help them realize their dreams.

Contact:
Maya Benharroch
+353 (0) 85-7154200 (WhatsApp/Telegram)
anandalife2(@)gmail.com 

“The Work of Byron Katie” PRACTICE GROUP with Maya Benharroch

If any of this sounds intriguing to you, I’d like to let you know about our FREE “The Work of Byron Katie” PRACTICE GROUP in my home that takes place every second Monday evening. Our upcoming evenings are on November 30th and December 14th.

Please email me to anandalife2(@)gmail.com for more info, or to be included in the mailing list. 

You might also like to check the many videos on the Byron Katie YouTube Channel and her website www.thework.com.

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